Now available for pre-order.


My clients have inspired me to be brave. Along with their courage, I’m taking risks to show the struggle of my own authentic journey. You might find yourself there. Getting beyond relationship messes has been the catalyst for my counseling career and calling.

When is it available?

You can purchase now for a limited time. Also, I’m working on an audio version  soon along with bonuses for you. The Kindle version will be available in June. The official release in bookstores is September.

What it’s about. . . 

Beyond Messy Relationships mixes psychological wisdom and spiritual inspiration along with stories of Judy’s authentic journey. Through awakenings and role changes, her long-term first marriage suffers from chronic bitterness and toxic patterns. Bearing financial and spiritual responsibility of her four children, she earns her counseling degrees and begins private practice. Facing abandonment, rejection, and post-divorce messes, she discovers unconventional divine invitations through dance. She eventually marries her best friend and dance partner and learns to flow to the rhythm of life. Until she misses the signs. . .

Can the marriage recover. . . from the damage caused by his psychosis?

  • Discover you’re not alone as you resonate with the messy relationships of a licensed professional.
  • Learn a simple formula of AIR to experience freedom beyond the messes. Awareness, Intentionality, Risks
  • Connect the dots from your past to your present. 
  • Overcome shame so you can experience the freedom you long for.
  • Discover your true self and find hope beyond messy relationships.

When you sign up. . . 

You’ll get access to previews, bonuses, and resources. Let’s stay in touch. Just sign up here.

“Most books about marriage use couples as their data. This book is different. Judy Herman, a couples therapist, is the client in her own book. In it she reveals her painful journey through a messy marriage to an ordered and joyful one. To illumine her journey and to inform her readers, she grounds her experience in the latest marital theories and research. Couples and therapists will benefit from reading it.”

Harville Hendrix, PhD and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhDGetting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

“Not many therapists would risk the personal and professional vulnerability Judy has by sharing her journey through her own messy marriage. But she shows us all how important it is that we stop blaming and focus on doing our own work of forgiving, healing and growing. Her research and professional insights were spot on. Learning to take deep breaths of AIR, her formula for awareness, intentionality and risks is a tool that we won’t soon forget. Reading this book will give you a new lens to see your next steps and gives hope for your future.”

Leslie VernickCounselor, Relationship Coach, International Speaker, Best-selling Author

“In Beyond Messy Relationships, Judy Herman has done something remarkable as a marriage counselor in applying the wisdom of her practice to her own relationships, through all their travails and triumphs. With grace and courage, she has answered the question that we have all wondered at one point another: What’s my therapist think about all this? And there is so much to learn in the answer.”

Mark LukachInternational Best-selling Author

“Judy does what every great leader must do: she goes to the hard places before asking others to do the same. Through her empathy and vulnerability, she gives us all permission to be ourselves in this insightful book about relationships. If you want to wake up to a deeper and better way of living and relating to people, read this book.”

Jeff GoinsBestselling Author

“All living is relationship. Relationships are messy when we imagine a self in relation to another rather than awaken to the truth that there is no self without other and no other without self. Judy Herman’s Beyond Messy Relationships is a divine invitation to realize this truth. The book is told through her eyes. Let it resonate in your heart.”

Rabbi Rami ShapiroAuthor

“Compelling and insightful. Beyond Messy Relationships takes you on a powerful journey of vulnerability, adversity, strength, and hope. The insights Judy shares from her personal life and as a mental health professional combine to share true wisdom about the challenges and opportunities we encounter when we open our eyes and minds to the signs around us.”

Nick PavlidisAuthor

“Judy Herman has written a book that allows the reader into the most intimate workings of the human heart. But not only that. She also shows us how to work with and through life’s big dilemmas. A book of great honesty, as well as help, it was written for us all.”

Marion Roach SmithAuthor

“Who wants a counselor or therapist that is open about their own struggles and messy relationships?  I do! You will see yourself in the personal stories and dances shared in Judy’s book. More than that, you will learn from her experience as an authentic woman and a compassionate counselor, the kind of attitudes and skills that will enable you to thrive in the middle of the mess.”

Ken DavisStoryteller, Comedian, Author

“Seldom do I come across a book that is as practical as it is engaging. In Beyond Messy Relationships, Judy shares her story of disappointing relationships while inviting the readers to address their own. As a licensed therapist, it’s clear she knows her stuff. But what comes through most in the book is her honesty, transparency, and love. If you are struggling to untangle your messy relationshipyou’ll be moved and inspired by this book.

Phil AyresAuthor, Radio Host, Pastor

“I started reading Beyond Messy Relationshipsas a favor to my friend Judy, but quickly found myself lost in the pages. Instead of reading from an outsider’s viewpoint, I was drawn in and became the patient, nodding my head in agreement many times. Much healing can happen when we find those who validate what we have personally experienced. So much of Judy’s story will resonate with the reader because she has lived through many of life’s difficult moments. Thank you, Judy, for being so transparent on the pages of this book. You have exposed some very real and raw emotions for us, the readers, and we are grateful!”

Sheila HarperFounder and President of SaveOne

“Judy Herman is in touch with the relational needs of men and women who are struggling to make their connections [especially in marriage] work… in spite of the dysfunction and division observable virtually everywhere you look today. With rare humility and transparency, the author of Beyond Messy Relationships shares from her education and experience to both refine the thoughts and rekindle hope in the hearts of what will be a growing audience of readers seeking perspectives and strategies for relational health.”

Dr. Ken IdlemanVP of Leadership Development

“I am a man who has experienced messy relationships. In these pages I crossed over the chasms of divorce, mental health wellness, children of divorce, narcissism, codependency, faith and God’s divine invitations that appeared as choices in each part of the story. The gem is the through line that ties back to the Authors marriage to a man who has Bi-Polar Disorder. The reader can make choices that lie within each divine invitation. Author Herman has shared her strengths, limitations and passions that have kept her moving forward and for sharing her vulnerability, this book should be lauded.”

Tom DuttaAuthor, Speaker, Producer

“Judy Herman brings understanding of interpersonal issues and emotions that accompany them. These extend beyond marriage issues, though that is the context in which they are presented. Do you have children? You need this book. A boss? You need this book. A friend? Ditto. Highly recommended to anyone who has a pulse and does not live in a cave on a mountaintop.”

J. L. CallisonAuthor

“I was not able to put Beyond Messy Relationshipsdown and read it from beginning to end in one sitting. I was touched by Judy’s authenticity and masterful threading together of therapist and woman. This was an amazing story that I will feel for a very long time to come.”

Alice TaylorBusiness Coach

“What I so appreciate about reading Judy’s journey is her authenticity, her vulnerability, and how I, as a reader, can find hope. Forgiving and remembering are powerful tools in the journey and Judy portrays that with grace and love. Thank you, Judy, for showing us the dance.”

Nancy Booth

Coming in 2019

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