#BeyondMessyMarriages

If you’re like me, you want to know more. . .

Whether you like using your local library, or you’d like to click a link here, these are books I recommend. We can get overwhelmed with choices and voices. That’s why I want to make it easy for you. Many of the books here are what I’ve referenced in counseling sessions or mentioned in my book, Beyond Messy Relationships.

Many of these are great supplements to counseling sessions. But don’t listen too much, or I might lose my job as a counselor! If you’ve come across other helpful resources that I need to add here, let me know through the contact page.

Start Fresh in 2020

Author, Michale Hyatt has been my “virtual mentor” for several years. And I met both authors in Nashville, the evening this book was released. I highlighted and re-read it recently while editing my original “life plan” I crafted in 2016. Since my own book, Beyond Messy Relationships is now published, I have perspective that I didn’t have in 2016. This is a worthwhile endeavor at a 30,000 foot view of your life. My husband and I canoe, so I love his analogy of drifting. This is a great method for being purposeful and intentional in life. Use my formula of breathing in fresh AIR: Awareness, Intentionality, and Risk as you delve into putting this book into practice.

I’m revisiting this one again from my virtual mentor, Michael Hyatt. After four years of using this system, I wonder if my book, Beyond Messy Relationships would be out in the world today! BYE is a practical system to putting your Life plan in place.

For those of us who struggle with lots of ideas and distractions, this book is a must. It’s become a reference for me with lots of resources to help me get focused. If I had more time in the day, I would offer a “Free to Focus” accountability in my office. It’s a great treatment plan if you have symptoms of ADHD. You can read more about my journey and how it affects our lives in Beyond Messy Relationships.

Mental Health Challenges in Relationships

On a personal level, with a diagnosis of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), I’ve become aware of how it has affected marriages in my counseling office. Author, Melissa Orlov helps us understand symptoms of the diagnosis and how common messes emerge between spouses when one or both have ADHD. You’ll become more aware of how if affects your marriage. I mention this resource in chapter 21 entitled Risk of Bipolar in Beyond Messy Relationships. Similar symptoms of ADHD show up in those who are diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.

I listened to Dr. Amador’s book twice in the midst of my husband’s episode. By the way, I listen to a lot of audio books. The author tunes us into the reality of recovery, symptoms, and aftermath of psychosis. Anosognosia is a condition in the brain’s prefrontal cortex that prevents insights and accurate self-perceptions. It affects a percentage people with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. What we judge as resistance or stubbornness may instead be a physiological impossibility. The author’s personal story was the catalyst for his book. I mention his resources in my book, chapter 24 entitled The Dance of Mental Illness of Beyond Messy Relationships.

Mark Lukach touched a deep place in mine and my husband’s marriage while in recovery. His courage, along with his courageous wife, modeled a rare resilience among us. Especially, those of us in messy marriages with mental illness. With a superb memoir-writing style, Mark’s book has helped my clients. You can help but develop empathy that wouldn’t have otherwise happen. I’m honored that this international best-selling author endorsed my book, Beyond Messy Relationships. His website is: marklukach.com

Covert Emotional Relationship and Spiritual Abuse

Leslie Vernick’s books have been a staple in my counseling office for years. I’m thankful that she is an endorser of my book, Beyond Messy Relationships. She writes for Christians and includes plenty of Scripture references. This book is a must read for every evangelical pastor. Leslie has influenced me and my clients not only with this book, but also The Emotionally Destructive Relationship. She also provides online support. Her website is:

Warning to men before reading this book. I’ve made more than one angry for suggesting this read. And for men who are ready to see covert emotional abuse as a systemic issue and do their part, it can be transformational. The issue is so ingrained and catches many marriage therapists unaware. And that can be a disaster for those coming in for couples counseling. Author, Lundy Bandcroft is my hero and advocate for women. I mention his book in chapter 16 of “Beyond Messy Relationships.” Other books of his include: Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?, Should I Stay or Should I Go? and When Dad Hurts Mom.

If you’re a faithful Christian wife, but have struggled with a confusing marriage, this book is for you. Natalie Hoffman’s courageous writing is opening up the “me too” movement in the church. I was on her podcast called “Flying Free,” episode # 34. Make sure you listen to “Breaking Destructive Relationship Patterns.” Her book and podcast guests have helped many clients begin their journey of “Flying Free.” Because they’ve asked themselves many times, “Is it Me?”

But It’s Your Family

Patricia Evans – The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Safe People

Other Recommended Books

The Gifts of Imperfection

For Individual Awareness & Growth

Falling Upward

Enneagram – Spiritual Rhythms

Driven to Distraction

Wired for Dating

For Relationship Awareness & Growth

How to Act Right – Vernick

Confessions of a Terrible Husband

Boundaries

The Path Between Us

Necessary Endings

Hope for the Separated

Divorce and Remarriage in the church

Receiving Love

(As an Amazon affiliate, I receive a small percentage if you buy from the links on this page.)