Goodwill Toward Men – Christmas Present

/4 Comments/in , /by

 

“And on earth peace, goodwill toward men”

Memories of Christmas pasts and expectations of friends and family can be overwhelming at times. As a child it’s easy to believe Santa comes down the chimney and brings presents. As an adult beliefs turn to distrust, negativity, and avoidance where there’s perceived danger. The wonder of life becomes no longer wonderful as we move through relationships.

I’m reminded of the phrase “goodwill toward men” on this special day we set aside to celebrate the coming of Christ. What does that mean?

If I could see the childlike soul of the person who holds discomfort in me, I may see a vulnerable and hurt little boy or girl. If I could see the substance of their being and look beyond their manipulation or rejection of me, I may be able to see their goodwill. If I could see the emotional scars out of their own unhealed wounds, I could relate with compassion.

May we seek to make loving eye contact and believe in the goodwill of our otherwise tension-filled relationships. May we hold onto our childlike faith and choose to grow beyond our own woundedness as children. May we allow the love of Christ and His healing touch on our own souls be the life-giving meaning of “goodwill to men.”

This prayer brought tears to my eyes more than once in my reflections of Christmas. May it touch your heart as you celebrate this sacred time!


Peace Prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is discord, union;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is error, truth;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console:

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love:

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to

eternal life.

– attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi

Relationship Conflict – 4th of 10 ways to be real

/0 Comments/in , /by

I’m excited to share number 4 of our “10 ways to be real in spite of conflict.” This next step is not only necessary, but will take practice to master! Before I explain, let’s review the first three ways.

  1. Realize that resolving conflict is healthy and necessary for growth.
  2. Be curious about differences rather than demand, judge, or criticize differences.
  3. Ask permission of the other to respectfully address the conflict.

Review these first three points often. For most of us this way of thinking doesn’t come naturally. Write these first three points down on a 3 x 5 card and post them on your mirror or refrigerator to read and absorb in your mind. Change in thoughts, attitudes or behaviors usually don’t happen by osmosis.

Here is number four in our quest to be real in spite of conflict. It’s important to be aware of your body. Do you know when your face gets red before someone says to you, “you look embarrased?” Some of us may get red splotches on the neck. Or our hands may get sweaty. Did you know that these are spontaneous reactions coming from a designated part of your brain?

The brain stem controls automatic responses in your body such as heart rate, blood pressure, adrenaline flow, and many other chemicals flowing through your blood stream. We would be totally unable to function if we had to consciously think of all those involuntary bodily functions.

When you begin to feel reactions of anger or defensiveness, take 4 deep breaths and wait 90 seconds before responding. Breathe in deeply from the diaphragm (counting to 4) and slowly breathe out (counting to 6 or 8) like you’re breathing through a straw.

Why four deep breathes? If you do at least four of these and take 90 seconds, you will slow down the reptilian, part of your brain.  God wired our brains in such a way to perceive the difference between real or imaginary danger. We need to honor our own brain physiology. It takes 90 seconds for the neurotransmitters to travel between the brian stem (automatic) and the frontal cortex (reasoning) parts to respond like a human rather than a reptile!

Deep, slow breathing when triggered doesn’t come natural to us as humans. We certainly have the ability.

I encourage you to practice, practice, practice while in your calm state of being. If you do this first thing in the morning before your day starts, you’ll be amazed how effective it can be when you use it during a conflicting time with your loved one.

In the next blog, I’ll address #5 in “Ways to be Real in Spite of Conflict.”

In the meantime, let me know how this works for you. I’m glad to keep your comments private or post publically as you prefer.