Attitude Relationship Traps # 3

/2 Comments/in , /by

. . . And How To Avoid Them

Disregard 

Most of us have known what it’s like to wait in line at the customer service counter and be ignored by the retail worker. Even if she or he was busy putting boxes away, or changing out cash drawers, or taking inventory, we at least wanted a glance of acknowledgement in our direction with a courteous,”I’ll-be-right-with-you-in-a-moment.”

We may have known what it’s like to sit in a restaurant and be forgotten. Other patrons who came in after us had ordered and been served their meals.  We felt invisible. We were disregarded.

Such encounters are minor irritations that cause inconveniences. Yet, when an attitude of disregard characterizes a significant relationship, it’s not so minor.

In our significant relationships, we get into patterns of familiarity. I call it a dance. Perhaps we get used to being disregarded. Or we are not aware of disregarding the other. Over time, the dance pattern tears down the dignity of the relationship.

Most attitudes of disregard begins in childhood. For some, we were groomed to believe children are to be seen and not heard. The generational pattern gets repeated in our childrearing attitudes.

In parenting, disregard sounds like this. . .

  • “Do what I say, just because I said so” without regard to the child’s internal or external experiences.
  • “Tell your brother you’re sorry” without taking time to understand the child’s perspective.

In marriage, disregard may look like this. . .

  • Complaining about a meal the other prepared
  • Focusing on the spouse’s flaws
  • Saying sarcastic statements at the other’s expense
  • Trying to fix the spouse’s problem rather than listening
  • Avoiding eye contact

In leadership ministry or business, disregard may look like this . . .

  • Not returning phone calls or emails
  • Having unrealistic expectations of employees or workers
  • Refusing to hear concerns or ideas of others

Whether a child, or spouse, or employee, each person is worthy. Each one deserves to be listened to, and regarded as significant.

Ongoing disregard of another’s point of view, their beliefs, their feelings, and their experiences damages relationships. All of us long to be heard, seen, understood, and valued.

As patrons, we desire prompt service. How much more our significant relationships need continual nurturing of honor and respect!

May we pay attention to the traps that destroy relationships and seek to honor others. Next week we’ll cover the attitude of control.

Overview

  1. Attitude of entitlement – replace with gratitude
  2. Attitude of being the truth-bearer – replace with listening
  3. Attitude of disregard – replace with honoring others
  4. Attitude of control
  5. Attitude of being the victim

Questions to Ponder

  1. Do I consider my own perspective limited?
  2. How do I strive to be curious rather than judgemental?
  3. How do I honor others?