3 Ways To Decrease Soul Clutter

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I saw it a minute ago. . . How did it just disappear? It’s got to be under all those papers. . . Where’d you put the mail? No, I didn’t read the email you sent a week ago. 

Do these questions sound familiar? If you’re like me, paper and cyber clutter have been consistent problems. They’re more than outward issues. What about the inside issues?

What is clutter?

Clutter is when important items get mixed up with junk. It’s not knowing the difference between the two. It’s distractions like these that keep us from living life effectively. Soul clutter keeps us from growing in our relationships with others, ourselves, and God.

From hoarding emails to hard copy books, it seems clutter can be a daily frustration. Books, motivational speakers, and methods are available to help the scattered brain become organized. It seems no one tells us how to declutter the deeper parts of ourselves. Our souls matter. We are motivated from deep-seated places we’re not aware of. 

We can imagine physical clutter being a tangible reminder of the soul clutter that’s part of our humanity. We have difficulty sorting out what’s junk and what’s important. Here are three ways to help decrease soul clutter.

  • Start the day slowly.

Imagine God saying to you, Wake up, my precious one. I want to show you that I love you. It’ OK to be still and listen to your soul. I’ll meet you there.

  • Create sacred space in your home.

At this season, my sacred space is outdoors on my side deck. Items that stimulate my five senses include: 

    • a cup of hot coffee in a special clay cup
    • a scented candle
    • my bible, prayer book, and journal
      • read or write as the Holy Spirit leads; even if it’s just one verse, or one sentence of writing
      • avoid an attitude of productivity
      • tune into being rather than doing

  • Breathe deeply

Attunement to the physical body helps awareness of the invisible. Our souls can’t be acknowledged other than through the Holy Spirit’s leading.

    • be still. . . if only for five minutes
    • listen
      • for nature sounds if you’re outside
      • for indoor sounds if you’re inside; like the hum of a refrigerator or the ticking of a clock
      • breathe in God’s love for you. . . breathe out distractions. . . breathe in oxygen. . .breathe out body tension. . . breathe in truth of your belovedness to God. . .breathe out negative self talk.

When daily space of openness to God becomes a pattern, the soul clutter decreases. More space for awareness of God, others, and self brings clarity in the chaos of the daily grind. 

Questions to Ponder

  1. How have you managed the clutter in your life?
  2. What techniques have worked for you to have clarity?
  3. What does soul clutter mean to you?

Intentional Well-Being

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School-aged children have much to teach us adults about ways to be intentional! Whether traditional schooling or home-schooling, there seems to be motivation in the air for growth, new routines, and change.

Comfortable Routines and Plateaus

After our formal schooling, many of us get in comfortable routines and plateaus in life. We forget the excitement, the tension, and the uncertainty of learning new things. The less intentional adults become about learning, the less dopamine and other pleasure chemicals are produced in the brain. Motivation toward change and growth decreases.

I’m inspired from the teaching I’ve received from renowned neuropsychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegel. The surge of neuro-chemicals, especially in the adolescent years of life, make creativity, social engagement, and novelty more pronounced. Since these same chemicals begin decreasing from ages twenty-five on, it requires intentionality to increase brain activity through learning new skills and experiencing new activities.

Brain Chemicals and Behavior Patterns  

My awareness of God’s design of the developing brain throughout our lives drives me to be intentional in my own growth. Awareness exposes the problem and brings solutions into focus, whereas intentionality is the action plan.

I’ve also noticed that many clients walk through the doors of my counseling office, sign up, participate in a series of sessions, and make remarkable progress. Their lives are changed and their relationships move toward health and well-being. Others don’t.

For some, intentionality toward change is a natural and practiced way of living. For others, it’s easily forgotten or avoided.

Neurochemicals are among many other things that decrease with age. Just as we need intentional exercise and nutrition, we need to be more intentional about our mental and emotional growth. Beyond our formal schooling, we need intentional mind-challenging and experiential activities.

With each new thing we learn, we can now think of what neuroscientists call neuroplasticity; new growth in the brain.

The difference is intentionality.

New Year’s resolutions are examples of intentions. Plans, strategies, ideas, goals, objectives, and desires are prerequisites to any change. Accountability groups, to do lists, charts, and written goals are great ways to make personal changes.

Teachers use incentive charts for classroom discipline and motivation. Some parents condition their children to do daily jobs with a chore chart and stickers. Therapists may help a client track their medication and moods by using a mood chart for a period of time to measure effectiveness of treatment.

Whether it’s exercising, being more organized, eating healthier, or managing time, many of us are intentional about changing for the better.

Be intentional. . . make a plan. . . allow school children to show us how.

Questions to Ponder

How have you been motivated within the last couple weeks?

What new things are you learning?

What ways have you been intentional?

Attitude Relationship Traps # 5

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. . . And How to Avoid Them

# 5 Attitude of Being the Victim

Years ago, getting my four children up and ready for school was a daily stressor. Sleeping until the last minute added to the pressure and chaos. In some cases I pulled out a bag of frozen marbles from the freezer. On the count of three, those marbles were released in the warm comfortable beds of my young ones along with a jolt of adrenaline and anger. It got them up! At least we got moving.

More often than not, we’d rush out of the house forgetting something. It wasn’t unusual to  get a call, “Mom, I forgot my lunch” or “I need you to bring my homework.”

Motivated by self blame and guilt for my impatience, the family fell into familiar relationship patterns. I took them their lunches, or their forgotten homework.

I eventually forgave myself for being an imperfect parent. I grew out of guilt-ridden motivation to cover for them. Since those days they’ve all grown to be responsible adults with children of their own. The “Mom-I-forgot-my-lunch” mentality has long passed from our relationships.

“Guilty-parent” Role Breeds Victim Attitudes 

Some don’t grow out of this relationship template with their children. Over-giving to one’s offspring to compensate for guilt breeds victim attitudes. They become familiar patterns affecting future relationships.

Those with victim attitudes are attracted to partners who are overly empathic and have difficulty saying, “no.” They seek out others who will take the blame and cover for them. In a marriage, one takes the role of “guilty parent” while the other personifies the victim role. Taken to an extreme, the victim mentality contributes to destroying the relationship.

Those caught up in the victim mentality have difficulty seeing their personal need for self growth. They continue to blame others for their own forgetfulness, misfortunes, or poor judgement. The relationship keeps the victim from facing reality. It keeps the overly sensitive partner in a state of self-blame. Common accusatory phrases sound like:

  • “It’s all your fault”
  • “You make me so mad.”
  • “If it were’t for you, I’d . . . “
  • “You’ve ruined my life.”

Grow Toward Honoring Resiliency of Others

God designed for us all to grow beyond our adolescent ways of thinking and relating. We are each responsible for our own decisions, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. Beyond normal child-rearing stages of life, none of us are designed to take on obligations that rightfully belong to the other.

In my years of mothering four children, I’m learning to trust in their resiliency and growth. We are designed for struggle and facing our own consequences as adults. Neither we, nor our children, nor our spouses are perfect. Embracing our imperfections as a gift from God sets the stage for acceptance, love, forgiveness, and responsibility.

I’m reminded of I Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

As a review, we’ve covered five attitude traps that contribute to destroying relationships:

Overview

  1. Attitude of entitlement – replace with gratitude
  2. Attitude of being the truth-bearer – replace with listening
  3. Attitude of disregard – replace with honoring others
  4. Attitude of control – replace with otherness
  5. Attitude of being the victim – replace with responsibility

Questions to Ponder

  1. Do I recognize the guilty-parent pattern in my adult relationships?
  2. Am I quick to hold grudges rather than face consequences and learning opportunities?
  3. What step am I willing to take for nurturing my current relationships?