How To Be A Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul

Those of us who travel by plane are used to the flight attendant’s safety instructions. “If there’s a loss of cabin pressure, the panels above your seat will open, and oxygen masks will drop down. . . Be sure to adjust your own mask before helping others.”

Helping others before adjusting our own mask may result in passing out. We can’t help anyone. 

We need to take that same advice for our relationships. Adjust our own soul needs before attempting to help another.

Relationships can be like a pressurized cabin. 

They are not so even-keeled. We experience turbulence and high altitudes. Storms and fair weather affect our differences. Our ears pop. The ride gets rough. We’re required to stay in our seats with seatbelt securely fastened at times. 

Early on, our differences are exciting, novel, and energizing. Later in the relationship, they can become outright annoying. Rather than appreciating differences, they can escalate into major conflict. They can expose the soul storms of the relationship.

Many Christian couples vow, “The two of us are one.”

It doesn’t take long to realize one or both are saying, “Yes, and I’m the one.”  In a patriarchal marriage, bride may say, “He’s the one.” As years go by, both lose opportunity to develop their character. She becomes invisible. He’s caught up in self illusions. Neither has insights into their own souls.

Neither one attempts to adjust their own oxygen mask. They’re too busy trying to help the other. They become bitter, resentful, angry and resistant. Their world gets smaller. They’re stuck. Or they pass out.

Being a soulmate without losing your soul requires plenty of pressurized reality.

  • It takes two to be married. It takes two to be in relationship.  
  • Conflict is necessary for personal and relationship awareness.
  • You cannot change your partner, but you can change yourself.

Here’s ideas on how to adjust our own soul masks.

  1. Do breathe deeply when you feel reactive. Be curious about what’s going on inside of you. Slowing down physiologically helps give clarity to ask yourself, “What’s unfinished in my life that I need now?”
  2. To increase self-awareness, reflect on this question: “How is my spouse experiencing me?”
  3. See your spouse as a gift from God for your own character growth. Be willing to accept your spouses’ issues as helping you be patient or understanding.
  4. Nurture affirming friendships that can be energizing and supportive. Personal or marital isolation is an enemy to awareness and growth.
  5. Seek counsel way before patterns of bitterness set in.

Transitions such as raising children, career development, loss, and core differences contribute to the turbulence of life. The cabin pressure of your marriage will change. Those oxygen masks will drop. Always adjust yours first.

Questions to Ponder

What ideas would you add to the list of soul care?

How have differences in your marriage grown your character?